I suppose that is what faith means. Hebrews 11:1 speaks to this by stating, "now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I am trying to search the recesses of my mind for some kind of historical context for this passage, but I can't think of who wrote it or why. Those Calvin College theology courses feel like a LONG time ago!
Today I am hoping for more faith. For our country, our economy for our family, for Peter as he looks for work, for me as I move through challenging situations in my job. We tend to get a little wrapped up in worry. It's funny- I think Peter and I take turns worrying about our future. It's like we subconciously think, "ok this week you be the worrier and I'll reassure and comfort you and then next week we'll switch! Cool?" I'm not sure how helpful this pattern is, but I do know that we are able to rest in each other's support and spirit. No matter what.
It feels like we've been in limbo for a long time. One of us in school, or looking for work, or making things work. Peter's cousin Katie said it best when we saw her over Christmas. When she said, "I feel like I'm in the waiting room of life" it really hit home for me too! Maybe it's how it feels to be in your late 20's or our culture, or something! But I feel the same way.
The winter blah's are also here in full swing- it's been really cold and it always feels like a low time in mid-winter after the holidays. Things feel really hard at work too. Although I am blessed by my work at the hospital- it's very lonely at times being the only Music Therapist. We were going to get to hire a new employee here after TONS of work I put into a proposal, which I was really excited about. For three years I've been trying to grow this program. Today I learned that due to the economy there is a hiring freeze here hospital wide and we can't hire anyone. I go back and fourth between feeling disappointed about it and like I'm fighting an uphill battle at work vs. just being thankful I have this job! My entire life, whenever I've worked hard to meet a goal it usually has been accomplished. I've put my sails up and the wind has come. I feel like I keep working towards goals here in my job, putting my sails up and I don't know where the wind is!
I suppose all I can do is remind myself to keep watching for things unseen. Keep hoping. It just feels really hard today.
There is a song that I will try to hold in my heart by Jim Croegaert which says:
Oh, the light that falls to the earth
Is such a small part
Such a very small part
Of the light that is.
There is a love that fills
The world beyond our eyes
Sometimes it finds us
In the places where we hide
And calls our name
So out from our disguise
We can fly
Oh the love that we see when we see
Is such a small part
Such a very small part
Of the love that is
The precious words of this song are so encouraging to me. I know that life is full of struggle. It's so easy for us to feel like, "If we could just ______, than things would be great!" Challenges are hear to teach us to hold onto faith for things unseen. I'm just saying this feels really hard!
One of the many gifts from our silly little Clara is the lesson to not wish away the present in hopes for better times in the future. It feels like things are going by so fast with her right now. With all her phases and quickly passing stages we can be reminded that we need to be present NOW. Even if life is hard and we're "in life's waiting room." So what!? Today I'll try to be thankful for now- or else I might miss it.
I came across this quote below by Erma Bombeck and instantly thought of our beloved dog, Oscar. He is a scream, and has the ability to make us furious and full of love all within the same 10 minutes. He is a great reminder of unconditional love.
